I will be posting almost the entire paragraph in today’s reading because it was that impactful. Let’s start dissecting it.
“Self-protection is learning how to take a pause between what you feel and how you react.” My first that was how is that self-protection? I am going to need more information. My second thought was how I have only recently become aware of how much my emotions are driving my behavior. Of course I am not at this amazing self-awareness where I pause, instead it looks like this: Thought and feeling seem to appear immediately, followed by another thought about the validity of the first thought, followed by a judgement of the first thought and shame about how could that be my first thought. I could instead just be grateful I was aware and paused because that is an act of self-love and self-protection?
“When there is no awareness between what you perceive and the way that you respond, anything can control you. Practice the pause.” Wow. Now I feel grateful for the huge step that awareness is. Not a stepping stone to being a better person. It is being and actively doing better, for myself.
“Widen the space between what you sense and what you do about it.” Wow, this is a major problem for me. I have a really hard time sitting in uncertainty. I want to know and do something immediately.
“Decide what’s worth your energy, because what you engage with is what you empower.” This is the culmination of it all. WHAT YOU ENGAGE WITH IS WHAT YOU EMPOWER. So story time.
I was taking this three hour exam today. I am super ADD and that is really hard for me. At work, no problem – I have all the putty, spinny things and anything else to keep me focused. I can go walk around the block. However during test time, you have to put everything in your locker. EVERYTHING! It was desperate times in there. A lot of rocking. I pulled a rubber band out of my hair and snapped my wrist with it repeatedly. During the 10 minute brake in the middle, I ran up and down the stairs for 7 minutes. And every time my brain wandered, I remembered that what I engage with I empower. So, I would stop and close my eyes and meditate for a few minutes. I told myself affirmations. I also reminded myself that everything is happening for my greatest good so if I don’t pass then it was for a reason. I then reset and started over.
I spent today in gratitude and it felt amazing. What a huge difference a little shift makes.
It is no joke about changing thought patterns. As you get to know me a little better we will explore the sh*t show that was my childhood and a lifetime of wild experiences. You will learn how that fundamentally changed how I approached the world and how I am just now starting to reset. How many of you can honestly say that AI says your family is a cautionary tale? I can.
Regarding my training, my weekday training mostly consists of short runs close to my work or home. Because I have to actually work, it is hard to commit to long hikes. My sweet 23 year old son sent me a workout routing with video examples to start preparing for longer hikes, stability and uphills. What a blessing.
What do you think? What is your takeaway from the reading? Or anything else on your mind?
Goodnight my loves. See you tomorrow.
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