In The Pivot Year she writes “Happiness is not having the best of everything, but the ability to make the best of anything.” I can honestly say I did the best I could with the experiences and knowledge I had at the time. Was I making the best out of everything? No. Did I do better than those before me? Yes. Did I teach my boys to do even better? Hell yes.
And… each day I do better. I was supposed to go for a hike this morning but I really was feeling overwhelmed by the last minute studying that I was doing before an exam. So, rather than spiraling into shame about studying last minute or making poor decisions involving long hikes that would prevent my studying, I decided to skip today’s hike and study. I also prepped some meals for the day and swept.
I did take a little time to reflect on the joys in my life. My children, my dogs and my wife, not in that order, are at the top of the list. I have learned though, that external factors cannot be what brings me happiness. It must come from within. I choose to see the good in people. I choose to look for the little pleasures. I choose not to let you bother me.
Sound too good to be true? Because it is. I am human. I act crazy. I spiral about stupid stuff. I relive my past trauma and take it out on those I am closest with. I have self harmed and unintentionally harmed those around me.
I don’t have to be so extreme today. It is smaller and calmer. It might be a shame about a decision I made but not about the person I am. Eventually, no shame. It is about being more playful. Yesterday I found myself belting out songs from the Sound of Music, while hiking. Why not? No one was around to bother.
Tomorrow I will practice self love and compassion during my exam. It is okay if I struggle to focus. It is okay if I forget a definition or a formula. It is all happening for my greater good and RIGHT now everything is good. Finding the best in everything will be me grateful for the journey. Grateful for studying every morning with a coworker who is now a friend. It is learning what my priorities are and accommodations I need to make for myself. It is a reminder that I need to shift how I operated at 50 because I am just not 20 any more — and by the way, that is OKAY.
After saying all of that, wish me luck.
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